i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
