Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
