In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize