dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
