Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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