Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
