when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
