I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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