So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
