Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
