is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
