At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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