someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize