You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
