that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
