If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
