was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
