i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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