She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
