Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
