She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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