hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
