even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
