The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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