Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
