Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
