Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
