i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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