im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
