Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
