Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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