Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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