If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
