I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's shark week go big or go home
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
