How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
