So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize