Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
