two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
