Your tits are I can't wait for
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
