I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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