I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
