Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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