is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
