Its about making memories worth repressing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
