Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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