I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
