First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
