proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
