It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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