I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i love accidental penises.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
