Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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