Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize