apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize