Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
