I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
