Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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