do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
