What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
