she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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