Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
