Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
