"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
