I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
