Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found puke in my bra..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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