Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
