Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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